Clowning Around

He can smell your fear.

He can smell your fear.

A new scare has entered the vicinity just in time for Halloween. No, it is not the latest election or a “Sexy” Harambe costume, but a blast from the past; clowns. With the first sighting of a clown roaming the streets at night on August 1st, clowns have been terrorizing the United States as well as parts of Europe. While it seems like like a giant hoax, some clown sightings are just to intimidate or are just criminals roaming the streets for laughs. As Halloween approaches, clown sightings are prevalent. Unfortunately for law abiding clowns, many of them have been beat up for what they do. To combat this clown-ism prejudice, there have been knock off rallies of “Black Lives Matter” which are so creatively called “Clown Lives Matter.” For all of those pseudo-monster hunters, here are some tips to keep in mind when hunting clowns in your area:

  1. Do not follow horror movies. Just do not do it. Never split up when searching for a masked menace. Contrary to what movie characters do, always keep with some friends that will have your back to make sure there are no clowns sneaking behind you. In general, you should never attempt to recreate Hollywood movies.
  2. Carry a camera/cellphone at all times. You never know when you might see a clown, and then you can upload your excellent footage to Youtube for everyone to see! Before you know it, your video will be so viral, clowns will show up to your house to harass you. Also, it is safe to carry a cellphone to make sure that you can call the police if the clown is not clowning around, if you get my flow.
  3. Always hunt for clowns at night. Clowns are known to be nocturnal creatures, and they melt when exposed to sunlight. Also, where is the adrenaline rush and fun of hunting a clown when  it is day?
  4. Always dress in bright colors for night time hunting. If you ever get stopped by the police for acting suspicious with silver bullets and a cross, you can be in plain sight and explain that you are upholding law and order by hunting down these abominations. Also, clowns have a natural affinity for shiny things, and your bright clothing will attract them.
  5. Carry a flashlight at all times. Going hand-in-hand with with clowns liking shiny things, always carry a flashlight with the Batman symbol drawn onto the light. You can shine this symbol of justice at the clown to not only attract them to your position, but you will also summon Batman to come and help you. The Joker may or may not show up himself.
  6. Have fun. It is not everyday that humanity has a clown infestation, therefore you should make the most of your time, plotting your master plan to become the greatest clown hunter of all time. Who knows, you might even win a Nobel Peace Prize or something for establishing “World Peace” in the suburbs.

    He can smell your fear.
    He can smell your fear.